In 2011 I had a spontaneous ( I call it spontaneous because I consciously didn’t do anything for it to happen ) awakening of Kundalini, or enlightenment ( that is exactly how it felt ). About a year prior to that I started to experience strange symptoms, which I didn’t know what to think about... profuse odorless sweating from underarms; insomnia, visions of all sorts; urge to vomit, especially at night; premonitions, visions from past lives, messages to deliver, occasional dryness in the mouth, exceptional cerebral activity in terms of grasping concepts and processing information, sudden extreme fatigue, sensation of dying, etc...
After “the event” which I am not going to describe in detail here, different symptoms added, like electricity going through various parts of the body, especially through the upper left side; spontaneous body shaking, looking like epilepsy, understanding the language of birds, seeing auras, no sense of time, instant downloads of information, which I am still processing, and much much more.
After a short lapse of time, my body and nervous system became completely exhausted. My husband and children were worried, perplexed and exhausted, too. From euphoria, I started to have severe mood swings, was aggressive if triggered, and for 24 hours felt constantly persecuted. In the morning prior to hospitalization, I wept in the garden having severe heart pain and feeling that it is going to burst. My husband brought me to an emergency unit in the local hospital.
While at the reception, I have been checked for my heart, which apparently was fine, and then accompanied to a psychiatric unit for the consultation. I didn't realize this immediately, but when I was brought to a room with no windows and walls covered by soft mats, I freaked out and tried to run away. Medical assistants tried to stop me and I was defending myself by fighting ( feeling horrible for years after the incident not understanding where my aggressivity came from ). I was transferred to another unit, being kept for hours in a small room separated from the rest of the world by a curtain, guarded by a very kind man from the security and treated with a remarkable austerity by the medical staff.
During this time I had horrible and totally real visions of my children being tortured by a devil being my husband, screaming for help and being totally ignored. I wished death at this time, so unbearable was my suffering. After a while and sparing some painful details I was injected with tranquilizers and woke in the psychiatric clinic, were I spent 6 difficult weeks diagnosed with bipolar disorder and prescribed heavy drugs for life...
After 1 year intake of lithium, 15 kg extra weight and feeling emotionally as a vegetable, I decided to stop the medication...
the symptoms started to appear again. This time I did a research and chose myself another medication and asked my psychiatrist ( and yes, now I had to have one to follow me, but that is another story ) to prescribe it to me. Another flat half a year and a bouquet of side effects. I decided to stop medication again, but in a more gradual manner and started to research what the heck is wrong with me, because the way I felt, didn’t correspond much with what people were writing on a bipolar forum.
I suddenly started to receive information about kundalini and read a book called “ Living with Kundalini” by Gopi Krishna, who experienced a spontaneous awakening and who's symptoms were very similar to mine. That gave me the courage and hope to investigate further.
At the present moment, I feel blissful and serene most of the time. My energy has stabilized and I often experience light flowing through my body, especially at night or during meditation.
I have read a lot on the subject, and am very grateful to myself, that I followed my instincts and was brave enough to stop the heavy medication before they had irreversible effects on my health. I also learned that the awakening of the Kundalini energy can be a very complex process, often lasting for years before the energy stabilizes itself.
The reason why I decided to write about this very personal, indescribably beautiful, but also difficult experience here. I believe this happens to more and more people and although there is a lot of information on the web, connected with Kundalini, there is also a lot of misunderstanding. Many people going through this process in the West, are treated as crazy and put wrongly into psychiatric hospitals, labeled with heavy conditions. There is very little if none, guidance offered, although very much needed. If you, or someone you know, is going through similar upheaval as I did, due to the awakening of this beautiful and super powerful evolutional energy, feel free to contact me.
With love, Masha